SGG Special: 39 Lessons and Reflections
In defence of August and musings on style, substance and aging from a Leo.
Hi friends and strangers,
Welcome to the dog days of summer, when the daylight seems endless and there’s a faint whisper of fall in the air (but still an ongoing threat of a heat wave or apocalyptic smoke). I apologize for not writing a newsletter earlier, while I have valid reasons - quite honestly, life has been life-ing - and humidity melts my poor Canadian brain. I have too many different Olympics-orientated style posts that are half cobbled together that I will post later this week (written for personal accountability) but honestly, I felt like the were more the corporate conglomerate games with beautiful visuals - than the most fashion-forward games of all time, that many of us were expecting.
I tend to vacillate between loving and loathing August. As a kid, it meant my birthday, cottage trips, and swimming like a fish. But as an adult, it now means plans falling through, the mad dash for fall projects, and endless days of heat and humidity that make NYC feel like we are struggling to survive in the devil’s armpit.
I always felt like a fake Leo for hating the heat and the August slump but I’ve realized it is the perfect month to surrender and reset. Perhaps it’s because my birthday, August 3rd, is right at the beginning of the month and the last quarter of the year is often my busiest. The Labour Day weekend always feels like the final punctuation to summer and a new start - whether it be school, jobs, or sports and fashion seasons. I’ve been spending a lot of time evaluating this year and my last decade so here are some lessons, advice and style tips.
Commit to making in-person time for your friends, family and loved ones.
Facetime, voice notes and calls are great - but few things can replace time spent together - it doesn’t have to be something grand or expensive. Some of my best memories are cooking together while watching movies with my besties - sharing space and time is most important.
Learn to advocate for yourself early and often. Getting my ADHD diagnosis in 2019 helped with that as well as plenty of life experience.
Understand the differences between good, bad and neutral feedback. Learn to give constructive feedback as well as when someone is just asking for an opinion, not actionable advice. I didn’t learn the difference until I studied at Pensole at Parsons at 25 and it was a tough realization. Practice now!
The scarcity mindset is more hurtful than helpful. Not everyone or everything is for you - and that’s ok. Constant comparison and competitiveness can leave you empty - have goals but be open to other options that might benefit you more in the long run.
Learn to give non-weight-based compliments - it’s not your job to police someone else’s weight. “Your smile seems so bright!” “Your energy is so warm today!” “I love how you put your outfit together!” It’s not rocket science.
Find a form of movement that doesn’t feel like a chore and do it regularly - and make sure to stretch daily. Maybe you like long walks while listening to audiobooks, tennis with friends on the weekends, or yoga and strength training like me. Exercise shouldn’t feel like a chore but sometimes it will.
Find your form of therapy. Talk therapy works well for me, but it’s not for everyone. Maybe you like art or music therapy, long nature walks, movement or group work. Find a way to feel unburdened and not judged and keep that space sacred for yourself. You deserve it.
Create a personal feeling scale for reacting to problems and roadblocks - not everything is a 10. Come to it when you are feeling overwhelmed - you can even write it down or color code it. Also: everyone’s feeling scale is unique to them so don’t assume another person will have the same weighted reaction.
You do not have to turn every hobby and activity into an outlet for income. This is partially a reminder to myself - that hobbies are meant to be an escape from work and you don’t have to be perfect at it - just let go and enjoy. And some hobbies you try will not be for you - that’s ok! Donate supplies and move on.
Make time to nourish your inner child - it may reboot your sense of wonder and energy as an adult. When exploring a hobby or trying to get over burnout, try activities you loved as a kid - maybe it’s painting your room a fun color, trying pottery or seeing a dinosaur exhibit. I’m finding time to ride horses again. (It also gave me a ton of respect for my parents and grandparents when I saw how much it cost to ride and keep a horse).
Underpromise and over-deliver can be a hard adage to learn if you’re an especially energetic person, like yours truly. Try to practice it personally and professionally - you do not have to handle every brief, or go to every party - it does take practice and patience to learn.
Your gut and intuition are powerful tools. I love a pros and cons list too, but sometimes you need to acknowledge a big decision in your body, and not just reason with it. Even if you feel like you’ve suppressed your intuition severely - you can get back in touch. Give yourself time and grace.
Invest in your community - even if you don’t intend to live in your area forever. Getting to know your neighbours (doesn’t have to be in your building complex if that doesn’t feel safe) can bring a real sense of home. Community gardens, parks, dog walks, coffee shops, clothing swaps - roots don’t have to be deep to be fruitful.
Get everything important in writing whenever possible. That job offer? In writing. That quote to fix your car? In writing. Take a photo and save a folder in your phone or your notes app as a backup.
Do not let anyone live rent-free in your head, especially if it overwhelms your thoughts and feelings. Don’t let he/she/they sublet and take over the lease.
You cannot be everything to everyone - co-dependency will hurt in the long run. This book helped me a lot with understanding and setting boundaries.
Always get a second opinion. When possible, always vet the candidate - whether it’s for accountants, lawyers, repairmen, etc. Also, ask your community for proven recommendations - a Google review only tells you so much.
Acknowledge that not all relationships (platonic, romantic, professional, etc.) are not going to be 50/50 all the time. But if it becomes a constant trend of lopsided love and energy - reevaluate. Any real friend/lover/colleague should be open to real discussion if it comes from empathy and understanding.
Drink more water, especially at open bars and events. You can partially survive off free drinks and food at events in your 20’s but learn to cook basic meals. Buy and maintain staples in your pantry and freezer and try to shop seasonally for produce when it’s cheaper and better tasting.
Establish a grounding principle when you get caught up in your own thoughts or overwhelmed. Hug a tree, touch some grass, pet a dog - something that helps you reset, here’s a few other ideas.
Let people enjoy things. If it’s not hurting you or anyone else - move on.
If you are self-employed or a contractor - please register your business so you can write off supplies and keep track of income and expenses. Often it is easier to get bookkeeping software and an accountant than to deal with the IRS/CRA.
Practice finding your sense of individual style and identify pieces that are within your uniform when building your wardrobe. Many fashion books suffer from the What Not To Wear Approach that rotted many fellow millennials’ brains - not everyone needs a trench coat, a black pant and a white shirt. Make note of the pieces you wear the most in your closet, the fabrics you feel best in and the silhouettes you’re attracted to help build your style identity. And obviously, hire a virtual or in-person stylist like me if you need help.
Color theory and season analysis make for a fun TikTok trend and while I believe it can be helpful - don’t let it scare you from wearing your favorite shades and prints. The most flattering colors are the ones you feel best in.
Life is too short to save clothes that don’t fit, wear shoes that hurt, save an item only for a big occasion or have an endless chair of mending. Set aside one day a month to edit, fix and donate. Bring that cute purse out to lunch - not just a fancy event. Those jeans might be too skinny - but maybe can be upcycled or given to a friend.
Don’t buy an exotic skin everyday handbag because it will not hold up well to wear and tear. Leather, canvas or nylon are recommended. But if you DO buy an ill-advised bag - find out about the warranty guarantee, keep receipts and always ask nicely.
Most items can be repaired, renewed, recycled and even sent for warranty. It doesn’t hurt to ask! Check Reddit, Youtube or Tiktok tips and tricks - you may even learn a new skill.
If you wouldn’t buy the item at full price - don’t buy it on sale just because. You probably don’t need it - it’s just a temporary dopamine hit of WANT.
Practice fashion math if you are looking to buy a new piece for your wardrobe. I’ve discussed this before, but I use an equation any time I’m looking at adding a new item to my closet. For example, does a $150 skirt make sense if I can only wear it two ways and is dry clean only? No, $75 for only two outfits seems expensive, plus added costs for laundering. But a $180 skirt I can wear 6 ways and machine wash - $30 per outfit is more reasonable. Creating lookbooks of your items helps with mindless consumption too.
Pack for trips a few days early if possible so you have time to edit and adjust beforehand, especially if the weather is often changing. You probably don’t need seven pairs of underwear for three days - but honestly, I get it. Always bring a packable tote that can double as a shopping bag or laundry bag for sorting.
Wash your sheets and bedding at least once a week. Especially if you sleep with pets, kids or a sweaty man in/on the bed. Also: ditch the polyester sheets and donate them to an animal shelter. I am material agnostic but natural fibres are elite for bedding and will last longest and be best for your skin.
Air dry whenever you can, and hand wash when needed - dry cleaning is rarely essential. Air drying is cheaper and better for textiles. You can DIY an indoor clothesline and I like to use these hooks - they double for planning outfits too!
Stop wearing your outdoor clothes on/in your bed. There is something so cute and chic about having a little house dress or shorts to change into at home. I live in a robe or slip dress like this one and it requires fewer brain cells when you just want to decompress.
Add vinegar to your rinse cycle in the laundry machine instead of fabric softener, Borax at the beginning of the wash cycle and use wool dryer balls instead of fabric sheets. Both are better for your clothes and textiles and cheaper - I buy a big cleaning jug of cleaning vinegar and dilute it in a spray bottle to use when I need it.
Remember - you need to wash and maintain your washing appliances too - washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, etc. I usually do it monthly or whenever I notice some gunk build-up. There is often a filter in all appliances you need to clean as well, and most be cleaned with vinegar. And please clean out your lint trap every time you use your dryer!
Get a library card and use it. Make sure to use the Libby app and archive sites to help access all kinds of books, magazines and information. Buy used - Marketplace, local community recycling initiatives like Cues and garage sales are a great way to keep your shopping local and affordable. Not everything needs to come from Amazon.
Life and its lessons are often not black and white but shades of grey. It sounds cliche but adopting an all-or-nothing and black-or-white mindset can be vapid and lacks nuance and context can exclude you from new experiences.
You will not have it all figured out at 25. That’s ok. That is normal. Your 20s are for learning what you love and hate and ideally, what you want to explore and enjoy how far your energy and enthusiasm can carry you. Your 30s are for editing - going deeper and exploring what you love, what feeds you and specializing. I am hoping the 40’s are for mastering but I feel like 39 will have be a big year for that…
Life does not get easier - anyone who tells you that is either not trying very hard, generationly wealthy or both! I hate to tell you but you will always go through periods of growth that hurt, feel hard and often endless. But think of life like a video game. At first, each win feels monumental because it’s novel - remember that feeling! As you get older your world grows - more levels, more places, new faces - it also becomes more challenging. Sometimes you need to play levels over and over again to learn certain lessons, find better paths to victory or acquire certain tools. Then as you get older, you obtain more tools, more tricks and more supporting characters - learn when to rely on and collaborate and when to go at it on your own. It doesn’t get easier but you will be better equipped. Life is not linear - but remember you don’t win or lose - you win or you learn. (I did not make that up but I honestly repeat that anytime I have a setback it helps me spin out less).
Any other advice or lessons you’ve learned that are worth sharing? Let me know! I’ll be back with more musings and analysis from the sports and style world soon.
Stay safe and stay true,
Megan aka
